Undeniable
by LadywithaBow16
Summary: It isn't a crush, but it isn't an obsession. What Colin feels for Harry is undeniably love. Unfortunately, he can't or won't, tell him. Colin/Harry
1. Breakfast

A crush: a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable. An obsession: an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

Neither of these words nor their definitions quite described what Colin felt for Harry. What he had been feeling these past four years was certainly not brief. It also wasn't something that was constantly preoccupying his mind either. What Colin felt was undeniably Love. Occasionally he had bouts of intense passion. This wouldn't have been a problem, if not for Colin's unsurety in his sexuality, his general shyness and the fact that Harry seemed so unattainable.

Often Colin would look at Harry and get butterflies in his stomach. When he saw him at the other end of a corridor Colin would try to look cool and calm and collected, while trying to appear 'cute' as well. This was a sort of subconscious thing, which he couldn't help but do. Every time he looked at Harry when they were near each other he hoped to catch him staring, though it was yet to happen. Colin had had many dreams where harry loved him back or they ended up together or just even Harry admitted he had feelings for him. This reassured Colin. However he also often came to terms with the reality that this was unlikely. Sometimes he cried at the thought of this. Sometimes Colin would think his feelings for Harry were finally going away, but then he would realise that they would not stop tormenting him yet.

Colin liked loving Harry, but at the same time, he hated the fact that nothing good had or ever would come of it. Thinking about this made him sigh out loud. "What's wrong colin?" Isak asked him. Isak Andersen was one of his four dorm-mates, and was from Denmark. "Nothing. Just thinking about the impending O.W.L.S" Colin Lied. Isak laughed.

After getting changed, Colin and Isak went downstairs to meet the rest of their group for breakfast. Their rather large friendship group consisted of Gyffindors: Laura Braithwaite, Alex Kim, Isak and Colin; the Ravenclaws: Judy Hepburn and Lakshmi Gupta; and the Hufflepuffs: Michael Woodridge and the twins Mia and Lucas Roth. They were all in Colins year. Currently Judy and Michael were dating. Everyone else who were in relationships were dating people out of their group. Isak was dating Audrey Clearwater and Lakshmi was dating Anthony Goldstein. Right now they were all stressing because it was their 5th year: and with the 5th year came the O.W.L exams.

Unfortunately, being in different houses meant that they had to sit at different tables. After Alex, Isak, Laura and he had sat down to eat, Colin's gaze was immediately drawn to Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. Harry had obviously had a haircut, and looked so hot, sitting there, laughing with his friends.

"Colin?" Laura Asked.

"Hmm?" Colin replied, tearing his eyes off Harry as fast as he could.

"What were you looking at?" oh no. Colin saw a glint in her eye. This could be dangerous. Colin started to feel panicked.

"wha- oh, um, Nothing. Just thinking about exams and ahh, studying and, ya know, that stuff." Colin had successfully managed to change the topic and spark a conversation. Phew. Then he saw Laura looking back and forth from him to Harry's group. Holy Shit. Mother of God. Jesus, Joseph and Mary. Oh, Lord. Why in Hell? Goddammit. He was running out of swear words to say in his mind. He joined it on the conversation and tried to ignore the pit of dread his stomach had become.

Colin avoided eye contact with Laura for the rest of the day. He could not have _anyone_ suspecting anything – especially not Laura. She was famed throughout their year for having surprisingly accurate intuitive when it came to guessing who people liked or who would get together. She had had a major part in bringing Judy and Michael together. They had been dating for nearly a year now. So, yeah, that made Colin slightly worried.

In the evening, after all their lessons, Colin walked to the Library to study. Ideally they would be doing it in the common room, but since they were all in different houses, that wouldn't work. It also provided excuses to avoid conversation with Laura.

* * *

 **Authors Introduction:**

 **Hello, I'm Sylvie. I'm Writing this most likely because i'm bored or have school work to do and want an excuse not to do it. If for some reason you keep reading this story until I Abandon it: BE WARNED. I give up really easily. I am very creative, but I also have imagination droughts. So if i stop for a while and then post three or four chapters in a few days, now you know why. I'd just like to say thank you for reading my story!**

 **p.s. By the way I DON'T DO SMUT. Just letting you know, so It'll mostly be kissing and suggestive themes at most. :-)**


	2. Nothing Ever Felt Before

Colin avoided eye contact with Laura for the rest of the day. He could not have anyone suspecting anything – especially not Laura. She was famed throughout their year for having surprisingly accurate intuitive when it came to guessing who people liked or who would get together. She had had a major part in bringing Judy and Michael together. They had been dating for nearly a year now. So, yeah, that made Colin slightly worried.

In the evening, after all their lessons, Colin walked to the Library to study. Ideally they would be doing it in the common room, but since they were all in different houses, that wouldn't work. It also provided excuses to avoid conversation with Laura. He also _really_ needed to study, and having Ravenclaws around certainly helped.

"Hey guy-"Colin said as he walked over to his friends. Mrs Pince shushed him in the middle of his sentence, although that wasn't what made him stop. Harry and his friends were sitting on the table next to them. Colin sat down, pretending not to notice. At first he couldn't focus on what they were talking about. "Colin? Colin! Get a grip will you?" Lakshmi said in a hushed voice, in order not to get lecture from Mrs Pince. "Sorry" he replied. Eventually Colin did focus, and it turned into quite a productive session. "Alright guys, I'm gonna head ba-" he was cut off by Mrs Pince shushing him "-back to the common room now" he said in a whisper as he got out of his chair.

Colin needed to go somewhere. Somewhere he could let out his feelings. Anywhere. "Where should I go?" he thought. Alex and Isak were in the library, but surely Joshua and Timothy would be back back in the dorm by now. So Colin went to the only other place he could think of.

Colin dropped his bag just inside the door and rushed over to the sinks. He clutched onto the edges of the pearly marble sink. Dragging one hand through his hair, he let out a sob. He put his forehead against the cold, icy mirror and looked himself in the eyes. "Holy shit maybe I am obsessed" he thought. It was as if he could feel his heart rattling around in his ribcage, from front to back, side to side. He looked at his hands only to discover he was shaking – or quaking, really. Inhaling oxygen brought a cold, dry, uncomfortable feeling to his throat. He had never felt anything like this before. Colin felt like he was dying. He curled up under one of the sinks and put his head on his knees. And then the tears really began.

It was hard to describe how Colin felt in this timeless period. He would have said he felt Empty. When describing objects, emptiness refers to the state of containing nothing. When describing a statement, Emptiness could mean the quality of lacking meaning or sincerity; meaninglessness. Neither of these quite matched how he was feeling. He wasn't feeling nothing; he was feeling everything. Like one big snowball, that had been picking up emotions for the past few years, and only now was he allowed to release them all at once. He'd been holding his breath for too long, and if he continued, he would surely drown.

* * *

When he got up, Colin felt as if he had woken up, though he knew he had not gone to sleep. He picked up his bag and his books, some of which had fallen out when he dropped it, and started walking down the corridor. It was as if nothing had happened. Conscious that his eyes might be puffy, he looked at the ground the whole time he walked up the stairs, and quickly undressed. He got under the covers, but Colin Creevey did not sleep a single second that night.

The whole night he tried to force himself to sleep. He counted sheep, focused on his breathing patterns, hummed inside his head, tried to convince himself he was tired and did every other method he knew of, yet he could not sleep. He tried not to think about Harry, or anything. Unfortunately, though we can try, we cannot control our brains.


End file.
